Mort Sahl

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned how to walk forward."

"The people who say you can't do it are always being interrupted by somebody doing it."

"Liberals feel unworthy of the beauty of the world—for this reason the wise created strip classes."

"If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it."

"Every time I think that I've had enough of the banality of evil, I think of Richard Nixon."

"The New York Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country."

"Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least."

"I've been a spectator all my life—that's what got me into trouble."

"Half the lies they tell about me aren't true."

"Not to discuss politics is to discuss politics."

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your younger sisters will think they're men."

"There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insincere about it."

"The country is in bad shape, and we'd better all get busy."

"I am against the death penalty, but I would be open to life imprisonment."

"A statesman is a politician who's been dead ten or fifteen years."

"During the McCarthy era, I was not blacklisted, I was simply a person who was not asked to work."

"The most important thing for a politician is not to be smart, but to appear smart."

"I've been reading about the rise and fall of empires. They all seem to begin when they're young and end when they get old."

"Israel is the most militaristic society I've ever seen."

"You're entitled to your opinion. You're not entitled to your own facts."

"Liberals are more fun, but Conservatives are easier to argue with."

"Television is the first truly democratic culture—the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want."

"The artist must be in his work like God is in creation, invisible yet all-powerful."

"A political convention is just a place to hang crepe."

"Eisenhower was the only president we've had who was ever a great general, and it didn't help."

"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."

"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose incentive to invest. As if they're going to take it abroad!"

"I'm against any religious discussion in politics because I'm against any religious discussion anywhere."

"Paying taxes should be painless."

"It's always been my feeling that God lends you your children until they're about eighteen years old."