Mort Sahl

"The country is being run by people who have absolutely no sense of humor."

"I would consider the social democratic movement the greatest achievement of the twentieth century."

"If you attack the establishment hard enough and you last long enough, you become the establishment."

"My wife likes to buy things. I like to think. I'm not sure that's the best arrangement."

"What time is it in New York now? I want to know how much longer I have to wait for the revolution."

"Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork?"

"The liberals can understand everything but people, and the conservatives don't understand anything but people."

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would come into my neighborhood after dark."

"Every time I hear a politician tell me that they've had a religious experience, I know I'm being played for a sucker."

"One of the problems with moving to a new country is that you have to learn all the lies differently."

"The more serious the situation becomes, the less serious I become."

"If you can't find anything to do, you're working too hard."

"My mother always said that I was born too late and too soon."

"The difference between the men and the boys in politics is that the men want power and the boys want fame."

"I feel that the American conscience is not dead."

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

"Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers."

"In Hollywood, you can be anything you want to be, as long as you look like what you want to be."

"I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm sure that whatever it is, we'll screw it up."

"The best thing about being a conservative is that you don't have to think anymore."

"I spent my life fighting the establishment, but it turns out the establishment was right."

"There's no business like show business, but there is politics."

"The trouble with the world is that we're running it with only half our brains."

"When you have nothing to say, say nothing."

"I love my country more than I love the government."

"If you're not angry, you're not paying attention."

"The most important thing about a political candidate is not what he says, but what he doesn't say."

"American democracy has more than a little in common with a three-ring circus."

"I'm a Jewish boy trying to be a Christian gentleman."

"The future will either be better or worse, and it's definitely going to be one or the other."