Mort Sahl

"Money doesn't talk, it swears."

"If you have the power, you use it. That's what power is."

"The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."

"I don't write satire anymore because reality has beaten me to the punch."

"A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now."

"The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present."

"I've learned that life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

"The establishment is just a group of people who are terrified of change."

"Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed."

"You haven't lived until you've died, and most people haven't lived."

"The only reason they call it the present is because it's a gift."

"Democracy is buying a majority with the money of the minority."

"Education is the most important thing, unless you get it."

"I'm a human being, not a voting machine."

"The reason I tell jokes is because they're the only thing people believe."

"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there's no river."

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

"The art of politics is knowing what to say and when to shut up."

"Hollywood is where they pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul."

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is that we allow for possibilities."

"Fear is the best tool for controlling the masses."

"Success is when you get what you want, but happiness is when you want what you get."

"The problem with getting old is that you can't get sick anymore."

"I'm not a liberal. I'm a radical. Liberals want to improve the system. I want a new system."

"The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who believe the world is divided into two kinds of people, and those who don't."

"Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots."

"The future is just the past entering again by another gate."

"Never underestimate the power of a small group of committed people to change the world."

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the absence of self."

"The only way to win is to fight the right enemy."