Norm Peterson

"What matters isn't what happens to you, but how you respond."

"The best times are usually with the worst people."

"Growing up is just learning to drink better beer."

"I'm a simple man. I like beer, I like TV, and I like to complain about my life."

"Everybody's got a sob story, Cliff. Mine just happens to be true."

"The way I see it, if you want to get ahead in this world, you've got to make a name for yourself."

"Love is like a fine wine. It's supposed to be savored, not gulped down in one sitting."

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do, even if what he's got to do is sit on his behind."

"You know what the secret to happiness is? Low expectations."

"I don't mind work, it's the actually doing it that kills me."

"Time flies when you're having fun. Unfortunately, I'm never having fun."

"The only thing worse than being lonely is being lonely with other people around."

"I've learned that money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery a lot more comfortable."

"A friend is someone who knows you're a fool and still thinks you're worth knowing."

"There's nothing like a good woman to make a man feel like a complete failure."

"I believe in facing my problems head-on... from a safe distance."

"The key to life is not to think too much about the key to life."

"You know what they say: 'Ignorance is bliss.' I've never been happier."

"I'm not afraid of death. It's the living that scares me."

"Change is inevitable. Unfortunately, so is staying exactly the same."

"I've found that honesty is the best policy, so I never use it."

"The strongest man is the one who admits he's too weak to admit anything."

"I've never been one to follow my dreams. Too exhausting."

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever. Lucky for me, I've got stupidity to fall back on."

"Patience is a virtue I'll develop as soon as I'm not in such a hurry."

"Being kind to others is great, as long as they don't notice."

"The problem with health is that health nuts are going to feel stupid someday."

"Adventure is for people with too much free time and not enough sense."

"I don't believe in imagination. If you can't see it or eat it, why bother?"

"Technology is great until you have to use it."