Norm Peterson

"The only thing I fear is running out of beer."

"Power corrupts, which is why I've never had any."

"Money is the root of all evil, and I'd do anything for some."

"My health is fine as long as I don't think about it too much."

"Adventures are what happen to other people."

"Imagination is a waste of time when you can just sit and drink."

"Technology keeps getting better, but people keep getting worse."

"If we're condemned to repeat history, the least we could do is enjoy it."

"Philosophy would be great if it came with answers instead of more questions."

"I've read so much literature that I've decided to just watch TV instead."

"Politics is the art of telling people what they want to hear. I just tell them the truth and get ignored."

"War is terrible, which is why peace is so overrated."

"What motivates me? Honestly, I have no idea."

"I find inspiration in the bottom of a beer glass."

"Relationships are like boats: they're nice until they start to sink."

"Solitude is great until you realize you're alone with yourself."

"I'd give advice, but I'm too busy screwing up my own life."

"The secret to life is finding someone to blame for your mistakes."

"I believe in love at first sight. It's usually the sight of a beer."

"The only thing better than talking about my problems is not talking about them."

"I'm living my best life, which isn't saying much."

"Success to me is making it through the day without a catastrophe."

"A true friend is someone who knows all your secrets and hasn't told them."

"My family gives me hope... hope that I was adopted."

"Hope is what you have before you realize things aren't going to work out."

"I'd face my fears if I thought about them, which I don't."

"Education is important, which is why I've avoided it."

"Knowledge is power, and I'm perfectly happy being powerless."

"The only time I'm on time is when I'm late."

"The truth will set you free, but first it'll make you miserable."