Oscar the Grouch

"I love trash. Why do you think I live in a can?"

"Scram! Can't you see I'm trying to be miserable here?"

"The more it stinks, the more I like it."

"Why is everyone always trying to make me happy? It's exhausting."

"A good grouch appreciates the finer things in life... like crud."

"Leave me alone and everything will be terrible. Perfect."

"I don't need friends. I need quiet and solitude."

"Everything would be better if people just minded their own business."

"Happiness is overrated. Misery is where it's at."

"Don't bother me with your cheerfulness. It's contagious."

"Life's too short to be pleasant."

"I succeed at being disagreeable every single day."

"Love? That's just a word people use to bother grouches."

"The best time is when nobody's around bothering me."

"Courage is what you need to stay grouchy in a nice world."

"Change? The only change I want is people leaving me alone."

"School teaches you things you don't want to know."

"Knowledge is fine, I suppose, if it keeps people away from me."

"Hope is just disappointment waiting to happen."

"Family? They're the worst kind of people to have around."

"Dreams are just distractions from being properly grouchy."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I behold garbage."

"Music is nice when it's far away from me."

"Art is great for expressing how much you dislike things."

"Science explains why the world is annoying."

"A grouch's faith is in the power of irritation."

"Good leadership means keeping everyone at a distance."

"Work is tolerable when you work alone in your can."

"Money would be better if it could buy silence."

"Imagination is overrated. Reality is annoying enough."