Oscar the Grouch

"Health is boring. I prefer being a grouch."

"Adventure is another word for being uncomfortable."

"Imagination gets you into trouble."

"Technology ruins everything. Give me my trash can."

"History is just a record of bad decisions."

"Philosophy is wasting time thinking about nothing."

"Literature? More words to waste my time."

"Politics proves that people are awful."

"War is the only honest human activity."

"Motivation is for people who want to change."

"Inspiration is overrated and usually annoying."

"Relationships are just opportunities to disappoint each other."

"Solitude is the only good thing in this world."

"Everything's terrible and that's the way I like it."

"Why does everyone keep trying to make me smile?"

"A good day is when nobody talks to me."

"I'm not sad, I'm just being realistic."

"Happiness is a waste of a perfectly good grouchy mood."

"Leave me alone! That's my favorite saying."

"The world would be better if everyone was more negative."

"Optimism is just denial with a smile."

"Don't try to cheer me up. It won't work."

"Being nice is for people with no backbone."

"My trash can is my only true friend."

"Success means avoiding everyone successfully."

"Family reunions are my personal nightmare."

"Love makes you weak and vulnerable."

"Bravery is stupidity dressed up in better clothes."

"Everything changes for the worse eventually."

"School is where they try to ruin your personality."