Phyllis Diller

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other; perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."

"I think there's something really refreshing about laughing, especially in difficult times."

"The woman who can't find anything to do is never tired, and the woman who does everything is always tired."

"I have learned not to worry about love, but to honor its coming with all my heart."

"Comedy is a serious business, and I've never taken it for granted."

"Age is a matter of mind over matter; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

"The only way to keep your health is to be careful about what you put in your mouth."

"I've had so many husbands, I should be awarded frequent flyer miles."

"To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kind, just, and merry, that is what matters."

"I believe in laughter as medicine for the body and soul."

"Marriage is like a deck of cards; in the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, but by the end you wish you had a club and a spade."

"When you stop learning, you start dying."

"The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows."

"I'm not afraid of anything except maybe a quiet room."

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"Happiness is not something ready made; it comes from your own actions."

"The woman who doesn't know where her husband is, is probably a widow."

"I wanted to die young at a ripe old age."

"The best revenge is massive success."

"I have always been more interested in the future than in history."

"Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great."

"I've learned that laughter is the best currency in this world."

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."

"I think my parents had great hopes for me, and I'm glad I could disappoint them with humor."

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

"I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate."

"The most important thing is to have fun while doing it."