Principal Seymour Skinner

"History teaches us that order and discipline lead to civilization."

"Philosophy is fine in theory, but practice requires rules."

"Literature opens the mind, but only to approved selections."

"I don't understand politics, but I vote straight Republican."

"War, like school, requires strategy and unwavering leadership."

"Motivation comes from knowing your place in the hierarchy."

"Be inspired by those who follow the rules and achieve greatness."

"Relationships require respect, boundaries, and proper documentation."

"Solitude allows one to contemplate the burden of leadership."

"Dreams are fine, but they must align with school policy."

"Humor is acceptable only in appropriate contexts and with prior approval."

"Beauty in nature is something I observe from my office window."

"I have faith in the system, as long as I'm running it."

"Music enriches the soul, unless it's rock and roll."

"Adventure is best experienced within carefully controlled parameters."

"Imagination should be encouraged, but not rewarded."

"Peace is achieved through complete compliance with my authority."

"Nature is beautiful, but it needs landscaping and maintenance."

"Power is a responsibility I shoulder with great solemnity."

"Life is a test, much like the ones I administer."

"Mother always said, 'Seymour, you must be firm but fair.'"

"I've never been one for spontaneity or joy."

"Success is measured in test scores and perfect attendance records."

"Love is a complex emotion best avoided in professional settings."

"Wisdom comes from experience and a subscription to educational journals."

"Happiness is a well-run institution with satisfied parents and compliant children."

"The foundation of education is fear of consequences."

"I take my responsibilities very seriously, perhaps too seriously."

"Justice must be swift and occasionally embarrassing."

"Friends are a distraction from one's professional duties."