Red Skelton

"Understanding comes from listening, not from waiting for your turn to speak"

"The best gift you can give someone is your presence"

"Laughter echoes in the soul long after the joke is forgotten"

"We are all broken, but our cracks let the light through"

"The mind is everything; what you think you become"

"Every ending is also a new beginning"

"Respect is earned, not demanded"

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

"Your words have power, choose them carefully"

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a way of traveling"

"The love you give away is the only love you keep"

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take"

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it."

"If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to meet it."

"Laughter is the best medicine, but if you laugh while you work, you think you're dying."

"We are living in a time when flower pots are getting larger and flowers are getting smaller."

"A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family."

"The more you observe, the more you realize how little you know."

"I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to release them next month as a new game called 'Clue'."

"Thanksgiving is just a day when you realize you can't eat as much as you thought you could."

"I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship."

"The secret to a long life is to stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little."

"My wife wanted a small wedding with just immediate family, so we invited 200 of our closest relatives."

"Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."

"I know a fellow who's afraid to come out of the bathroom when there's a woman in the bedroom."

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."

"If you want to get ahead in life, you have to make your own opportunities and stop waiting for them to fall in your lap."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth. She was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."

"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just a tired feeling."