Stewie Griffin

"Ah, victory! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a world to take over and a diaper to fill."

"You know, Lois, I'd kill you if I weren't so lazy."

"Quiet, you are all stupid! Especially you."

"I'm gonna take over the world, and when I do, all of you will bow down to me!"

"Death, it's the one thing that will finally shut you people up."

"I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha!"

"Damn, I'm good. But also humble."

"Your love is like a fart in the wind - it just blows away."

"I'm not evil, I'm just misunderstood. And evil."

"Patience is a virtue I shall never possess."

"If you're not going to use your brain, you might as well use your mouth."

"I am surrounded by idiots. Brilliant, wonderful idiots."

"Happiness is overrated. Conquest is underrated."

"Knowledge is power, but power is more fun."

"Time flies when you're plotting world domination."

"Freedom is just another word for 'I do whatever I want.'"

"Art is dead. I killed it."

"Science rules. I rule. Therefore, science is my bitch."

"Music to my ears - the sound of my own laughter."

"Faith is for people who can't think for themselves."

"A leader is someone everyone else is afraid of. I'm that guy."

"Work is for people without ambition. I have ambition."

"Dreams don't come true. You have to strangle them into submission."

"Money makes the world go 'round, and I intend to own it all."

"Beauty fades, but evil is forever."

"Adventure is just chaos with a better marketing team."

"Imagination is the only limit, and I have none."

"Technology is the future, and I will control it."

"History is written by the victors. I plan to be one."

"Peace is boring. War is interesting."