The Narrator

"A dragon in the city is bad for business."

"It is often better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness, although the results are much the same."

"Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a deranged mind."

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong in the broken places."

"All dwarfs are bastards, but not all bastards are dwarfs."

"It is said that the gods play jokes with the lives of men."

"Men at arms shouldn't think too hard. It interferes with the essential nature of men at arms."

"Humans could be very inventive when it came to making other humans unhappy."

"Belief is a wonderful thing, but it would be even more wonderful if it also included the ability to think."

"It is said that the gods play jokes with the lives of men. This is probably true."

"The problem with fantasy is that it takes work."

"Vimes had always believed that while the world was full of people who'd stab you in the back, it was full of an even greater number who'd stab you in the front."

"You can go a long way in the dark, but eventually you will bump into something."

"Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness."

"In a city like Ankh-Morpork, there was no such thing as too much coincidence."

"There are only four people in the Guard who can honestly say they have never been turned into a newt."

"It is a curious fact that conspiracy-minded people are usually conspirators."

"He was a vain man, and to a vain man the reflection of perfection is enough."

"City guards wear breastplates because it's expected of them, not because it helps."

"The Librarian had apparently decided that he no longer wished to speak human language, and had instead committed himself to the language of the ape."

"Ankh-Morpork had never really gone in for the very long pointy hat approach to witchcraft."

"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs, but it helps if the eggs are willing."

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness, but it's better still to curse the darkness and then light a flamethrower."

"In fact, the mere act of opening the box had released the magic all round them."

"Most dwarfs are called either Blucher or Bolter, and have given up the old ways of their people."

"The assassins' guild believed in very high professional standards."

"There was a dragon in the city, which was odd because there shouldn't be any dragons anymore."

"The trouble with being a god is that if you're any good at it, you're too busy to enjoy it."

"A mind is a terrible thing to have in a city guard."

"Cities, like people, get the heroes they deserve."