Tom Tucker

"Relationships are like interviews - you need good chemistry."

"Solitude is nice, but only if someone's watching."

"Life is a stage, and I'm the star of the show."

"The secret to success is believing you deserve it, which I do."

"Nothing beats the feeling of being the most handsome person in the room."

"True love means finding someone who appreciates your bone structure."

"Real friends are hard to find, which is why I have none."

"Family dinners are awkward unless you're the one talking the whole time."

"Hope is just another word for ratings increase."

"Bravery is showing your face on television knowing people will judge it."

"The only constant is my commitment to looking fabulous."

"Education teaches you facts; experience teaches you the real news."

"What you know matters less than who you know - and I know everyone."

"Time is money, and I'm very valuable."

"The truth is relative, but my opinions are absolute."

"Liberty is the right to express yourself on live television."

"Inner peace comes from accepting your own perfection."

"Nature provides beauty, but so do cosmetic procedures."

"Art imitates life, and life imitates my news broadcasts."

"Scientific method requires patience - I skip that step."

"A good song is fine, but a good news jingle is better."

"Faith in a higher power is nice, but faith in yourself is better."

"Leaders lead; I just stand in front of the camera."

"Your work is your identity - so be someone important."

"Follow your dreams, especially if they lead to television."

"Comedy is tragedy plus an attractive news anchor."

"Beauty sleep is essential - I get nine hours."

"Life after death isn't certain, but reruns are forever."

"Never give up, especially on your hair."

"Be grateful for your gifts - I am grateful for all of mine."