Will Rogers

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places."

"We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can."

"Never miss a good chance to shut up."

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else."

"If you want to get along, go along."

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."

"You've got to go out on a limb sometimes to get the fruit."

"The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you, if you don't let it get the best of you."

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."

"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."

"An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."

"We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."

"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat."

"A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people."

"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

"I never met a man I didn't like."

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."

"There's nothing so good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse."

"A man that don't love a horse, there is something the matter with him."

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip."

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."

"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in."

"I like a man who grins when he fights."

"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, to see if you can swim."

"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest have to pee on the electric fence."

"You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."