Will Rogers

"You can't get to be prominent in this world without making some enemies."

"There's nothing as sad as income tax time."

"Herein lies our problem: we have no sane way of settling our disputes."

"All I know is what I read in the papers and what I see on the street."

"The minute you stop laughing at your troubles, you die."

"You never know how much a man can learn until you give him responsibility."

"I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear about me."

"If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is quit digging."

"There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works."

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

"Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough."

"Why does Congress want to always do something? Why don't they pass a law saying whenever a bill is introduced it takes five years before it can be voted on?"

"A country is not judged by how it treats its richest citizens, but by how it treats its poorest."

"The more you observe and study the nation's policies, you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."

"Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches."

"We have the best Congress money can buy."

"I would like to see the day when somebody would be appointed surgeon somewhere who lost all his patients, but in the good, brave old days when he was a soldier."

"Money to the Democrats is like liquor to a man with a drinking problem."

"The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer."

"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."

"There's no place that America can go and start from scratch unless they move to the moon."

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."

"In the good old days of my youth, an entertainer didn't have to know anything but his act."

"I have always claimed that if a man ain't willing to die for his ideals, then his ideals ain't worth a plugged nickel."

"We got more people in debt than we got people."

"Will Rogers didn't say half the things attributed to him, but I did say 'em."

"The biggest thing that ever happened in this country was when we admitted that we was no smarter than anybody else."

"The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office."

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."