Will Rogers

"When Congress makes a joke it's a law, and when they make a law it's a joke."

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

"The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read."

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"We are all ignorant, just about different things."

"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest have to pee on the electric fence."

"I never met a man I didn't like, but I would have liked to have met him in better circumstances."

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we've saved."

"Do the best you can with what you have in the place where you are."

"Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Now it's called golf."

"If you want to get rich, you have to think big and act small."

"A person only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people."

"The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you, if you don't let it get the best of you."

"Every person you meet knows something you don't; learn from them."

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

"Money must be having something to do with it, but I notice there is no love of money where there is no money."

"Our schools are not so bad. It's just that our prisons are so full."

"The trouble with practical jokes is that so often they get practiced on the person who can least afford the joke."

"You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is."

"Why not let people who know how to run things, run things?"

"An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip."

"The minute you read something and you can't verify it, forget it."

"Nothing you can't spell will ever work."

"Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with a Congress?"

"It ain't so much the things we don't know that gets us into trouble as the things we know that ain't so."

"I belong to no organized political party. I am a Democrat."

"There oughta be a law against anybody going to the movies or getting married or doing anything else after Monday."