Cheers

"Those who persevere are often just too stubborn to quit."

"Beauty fades; intelligence is forever annoying."

"Our dreams reveal what we'd never consciously admit."

"Career advancement is merely a sophisticated form of manipulation."

"A true leader knows that people need to be told what they want to hear."

"Faith requires the surrender of rational thought—count me out."

"Mozart understood human nature better than most psychologists."

"Science is truth's only honest expression."

"Artists are simply neurotics who've monetized their dysfunction."

"Nature's indifference is actually quite comforting to contemplate."

"Inner peace is what people claim to want but actively avoid."

"Liberation requires the maturity to handle freedom's weight."

"Time flies when you're having fun—which is precisely why I avoid it."

"Intelligence is a burden; I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

"A doctorate is merely an expensive way to become unemployable."

"Evolution is proof that change is often painful and rarely desired."

"To face one's fears, one must first acknowledge their validity."

"Hope is the opiate of the delusional masses."

"Sibling rivalry is simply training for life's cruelties."

"Parents create the problems that psychiatrists profit from."

"Forgiveness is overrated; better to hold a grudge properly."

"My friends would comprise a very short list if it existed."

"Competence is rare enough that it's easily mistaken for genius."

"The secret to success is failing privately and winning publicly."

"Marriage is a legal framework for sanctioned disappointment."

"Romance is what happens when lust masquerades as emotion."

"The human condition is best understood through a cocktail glass."

"People are inherently selfish; they merely hide it better than I do."

"Solitude is where I do my finest work and least damage."

"Relationships are exercises in mutual tolerance."