Cheers

"Education is important, which is why I've avoided it."

"I'd face my fears if I thought about them, which I don't."

"Hope is what you have before you realize things aren't going to work out."

"My family gives me hope... hope that I was adopted."

"A true friend is someone who knows all your secrets and hasn't told them."

"Success to me is making it through the day without a catastrophe."

"I'm living my best life, which isn't saying much."

"The only thing better than talking about my problems is not talking about them."

"I believe in love at first sight. It's usually the sight of a beer."

"The secret to life is finding someone to blame for your mistakes."

"I'd give advice, but I'm too busy screwing up my own life."

"Solitude is great until you realize you're alone with yourself."

"Relationships are like boats: they're nice until they start to sink."

"I find inspiration in the bottom of a beer glass."

"What motivates me? Honestly, I have no idea."

"War is terrible, which is why peace is so overrated."

"Politics is the art of telling people what they want to hear. I just tell them the truth and get ignored."

"I've read so much literature that I've decided to just watch TV instead."

"Philosophy would be great if it came with answers instead of more questions."

"If we're condemned to repeat history, the least we could do is enjoy it."

"Technology keeps getting better, but people keep getting worse."

"Imagination is a waste of time when you can just sit and drink."

"Adventures are what happen to other people."

"My health is fine as long as I don't think about it too much."

"Money is the root of all evil, and I'd do anything for some."

"Power corrupts, which is why I've never had any."

"The only thing I fear is running out of beer."

"Strength isn't about muscles; it's about knowing when to quit."

"Being kind is great until someone takes advantage of you. Which they will."

"A patient man is usually just a man who's given up."