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"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

"I'm not great at relationships, but I'm working on it."

"Life is like a box of chocolates - mostly disappointing."

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

"I've been called worse things by better people."

"Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to create a bigger problem."

"I'm not smart, I just play one on TV."

"You can't take back what you've already said, so you might as well own it."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

"I'm going to be honest with you - I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Studies show that having a best friend increases your chances of living longer."

"I'm not going to let you ruin my day with your logic."

"Let's make a pact: no more growing as people."

"I'm a lawyer. Well, I will be. Eventually. Maybe."

"Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it."

"I appreciate the kind words, but I'm going to do what I do best: ignore them and pretend to be confident."

"You're like the human equivalent of a participation trophy."

"I'm not drunk, I'm just ahead of schedule."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool."

"I'm going to go ahead and take this as a personal victory."

"You can't just skip ahead to the end of the movie."

"I'm not a moron. I'm only a dumbass."

"This is the last time I'm going to say this."

"I deserve to be happy."

"I'm going to prove you all wrong."

"You guys hurt my feelings."

"I'm actually really good at this."

"Stop blaming me for everything."

"I have a lot to offer."