Family Guy

"Creation requires chaos, much like my life."

"Being grateful means acknowledging what you have before it's gone."

"Giving up is easy; persisting is what separates the smart from the stupid."

"We're all temporary, so why not have fun while we're here?"

"True beauty reveals itself to those who are patient."

"Laughter is the best medicine, and the cheapest."

"Dreams are where logic goes to die."

"Work is just a way to afford your real passion: drinking."

"A real leader admits when he's out of his depth."

"Believing in yourself is the first step to believing in anything."

"Jazz is proof that some things are meant to be improvised."

"The universe is infinitely complex, and so is getting drunk responsibly."

"All art is subjective, like my life choices."

"Animals understand things about life humans never will."

"The worst prison is the one you build in your own mind."

"Every ending is just another beginning in disguise."

"Family is complicated, like quantum physics, but worse."

"Friends are the family you choose to disappoint."

"Success is measured not in money, but in quality of martinis."

"The best parties are the ones you can barely remember."

"A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory."

"Being yourself is overrated; being someone else is more fun."

"Tomorrow is always a better day to start fresh."

"Books are friends that never disappoint you, unlike people."

"Growing up means learning to hide your problems better."

"The only thing I'm faithful to is my bar tab."

"I've been around the block more times than a mail truck."

"Solitude is nice, but loneliness is a bitch."

"Relationships require honesty, trust, and multiple escape plans."

"Inspiration strikes when you least expect it, like hangovers."