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"Death is the one thing I'm definitely not interested in."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and my eyes are very forgiving."

"Dreams are just your brain's way of reminding you what you can't have."

"Work is just something we do to afford the things we don't need."

"I don't believe in fate, but I also don't believe in free will, so I guess I believe in whatever happens."

"Philosophy is thinking about things until your brain hurts."

"History is basically just people making the same mistakes over and over."

"Technology is wonderful for avoiding human interaction."

"Imagination is the only thing more unreliable than reality."

"Adventure is just chaos with better marketing."

"Health is boring, but I guess it beats the alternative."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy things that distract you from being unhappy."

"Courage is being scared but doing it anyway, so mostly I just don't do things."

"Hope is what you have before you realize things probably won't work out."

"Music would be great if it didn't involve listening to other people."

"Art is whatever you say it is, which is why I'm an artist."

"Nature is pretty, I guess, if you're into that sort of thing."

"Peace is just the absence of people bothering you."

"Freedom is doing whatever you want, until someone tells you not to."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and drags when you're not, so mostly it just drags."

"Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss, so basically I'm choosing happiness."

"Education is just a fancy way of learning things you'll never use."

"Change is inevitable, which is why I'm staying exactly the same."

"The truth is, I'm making this up as I go along."

"Happiness is finding someone who annoys you less than everyone else."

"Love is like a really bad decision that feels good for a while."

"I've learned that friendship is basically just tolerating someone else's existence."

"The key to success is pretending you know what you're doing until you actually do."

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans to avoid life."

"I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm also not saying I'm not."