Sesame Street

"Inspiration just leads to more work."

"Motivation is for people with terrible decisions to make."

"War is bad, but peace and quiet would be worse because I'd hear better."

"Politics is proof that people are impossible."

"Books are fine as long as you read them alone."

"Philosophy asks 'why?' I ask 'why bother?'"

"History repeats itself because people never learn."

"Technology should have an off switch, and it should stay on off."

"Imagination wastes energy better spent being grouchy."

"Adventure is just trouble with a suitcase."

"Health is subjective. I'm the healthiest grouch alive."

"Real power is saying no and meaning it."

"The only thing I'm afraid of is a smile."

"My strength is my ability to resist everyone."

"Kindness is just an elaborate trap."

"I have the patience of a grouch, which is none."

"True justice would be everyone minding their own business."

"My creative output is trash, literally."

"I'm grateful for nothing, which keeps me realistic."

"I persist in my grouchiness with great determination."

"Life ends, at least there's that to look forward to."

"If you're not laughing at others' misfortune, you're not laughing right."

"I dream small: just a trash can and no visitors."

"My only job is being grouchy, and I'm overqualified."

"I lead by example: everyone should leave me alone."

"If faith is for believers, count me out."

"The only music I want to hear is silence."

"Science can't explain why people keep bothering me."

"My trash can is a work of art because I say so."

"Freedom is my trash can with the lid closed."