Sesame Street

"Never give up being grouchy."

"The only permanent thing is disappointment."

"When you find someone beautiful, tell them they're wrong."

"Dreams keep you from enjoying your misery."

"Work is my second least favorite thing."

"A good leader knows when to tell everyone to scram."

"Believing in something is a sign of gullibility."

"My ears hate everything I hear."

"Scientists just prove that life is worse than I thought."

"Art is just expensive garbage."

"Nature stinks. Literally and figuratively."

"Peace is getting everyone to leave me alone."

"True freedom is a locked door."

"A lie is just another word for kindness."

"Time is just an endless stream of irritations."

"The more I know, the more I have to complain about."

"School is where they try to ruin your personality."

"Everything changes for the worse eventually."

"Bravery is stupidity dressed up in better clothes."

"Love makes you weak and vulnerable."

"Family reunions are my personal nightmare."

"Success means avoiding everyone successfully."

"My trash can is my only true friend."

"Being nice is for people with no backbone."

"Don't try to cheer me up. It won't work."

"Optimism is just denial with a smile."

"The world would be better if everyone was more negative."

"Leave me alone! That's my favorite saying."

"Happiness is a waste of a perfectly good grouchy mood."

"I'm not sad, I'm just being realistic."