Sesame Street

"A good day is when nobody talks to me."

"Why does everyone keep trying to make me smile?"

"Everything's terrible and that's the way I like it."

"Solitude is the only good thing in this world."

"Relationships are just opportunities to disappoint each other."

"Inspiration is overrated and usually annoying."

"Motivation is for people who want to change."

"War is the only honest human activity."

"Politics proves that people are awful."

"Literature? More words to waste my time."

"Philosophy is wasting time thinking about nothing."

"History is just a record of bad decisions."

"Technology ruins everything. Give me my trash can."

"Imagination gets you into trouble."

"Adventure is another word for being uncomfortable."

"Health is boring. I prefer being a grouch."

"Money just causes more problems than it solves."

"Power is keeping everyone else out of my trash can."

"Fear is the most honest emotion there is."

"Strength is in staying miserable no matter what."

"Kindness is for suckers and fools."

"Patience is overrated. Complain now."

"Justice means getting revenge on everyone."

"Creativity is wasting time on pointless things."

"Gratitude? That's for people who are happy."

"Perseverance is stubbornly refusing to improve."

"Death is just a long nap. Sounds perfect."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I don't like what I see."

"Humor is when bad things happen to other people."

"Dreams are just nightmares in disguise."