Sesame Street

"Death is just the ultimate bad day."

"Humor is the enemy of a good grouch."

"Dreams are things you have when you're asleep and can't avoid them."

"Leaders are just people trying to tell you what to do."

"Faith is believing in something you can't prove. Sounds like a waste of time."

"Science complicates things that were better left alone."

"Music would be perfect if nobody ever heard it."

"Art is whatever makes people unhappy."

"Nature? Too many bugs and fresh air for my taste."

"Knowledge is burden I never wanted to carry."

"Time is the worst invention ever made. It ruins everything."

"Education is just a way to ruin a perfectly good grouch."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy better trash."

"Beauty is overrated. Ugliness has more character."

"Success is making everyone else as miserable as you are."

"I don't need luck. I've got grouchiness."

"Hope is just disappointment waiting to happen."

"The only good day is a bad day."

"Change is the worst thing that ever happened to staying the same."

"Hard work? More like hard luck for everyone else."

"Love is just friendship with unnecessary physical contact."

"I've got a ten-foot pole and I'm not afraid to use it."

"The worst thing about friendship is having to spend time with friends."

"Keep out! This is my can and I like it that way."

"Why does everyone always want to be happy? Misery is so much more interesting."

"I love trash. It's beautiful, it's honest, it doesn't pretend to be anything else."

"Scram! I'm trying to be miserable here."

"Hope is the most powerful force in the universe."

"Family is where we learn our first lessons in love."

"Solitude allows us to hear our own thoughts clearly."