The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

"Wisdom comes with age. I'm ancient, and I'm still miserable. Keep that in mind."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time. I have unlimited time, so everything's hilarious to me."

"Adventure awaits! Probably something that will kill you, but still."

"Legacy is what you leave behind. Just remember, I'll be watching it crumble."

"Sacrifice is giving up something you value. I take everything anyway, so thank you for the head start."

"Forgiveness is letting go of your anger before you die. Might as well."

"Betrayal hurts because you expected someone to defy their nature. We all disappoint eventually."

"Grace under pressure is admirable. I've seen it plenty of times. Right before I reap people."

"Humility comes naturally when you realize you're insignificant in the cosmic sense."

"Honesty is the best policy, especially when telling people they're going to die."

"Ambition drives humans forward. Too bad it doesn't drive them anywhere that matters."

"Love conquers all except mortality. That's my specialty."

"Friendship is wonderful until someone dies and ruins it."

"Regret is pointless. Your mistakes don't matter in the grand scheme of eternity."

"Success is just a longer path to the same destination I have planned for everyone."

"Failure teaches you nothing because you're going to fail at living eventually anyway."

"Children grow up believing in infinite possibilities. It's cute until reality hits them."

"Every moment with someone is a moment closer to never seeing them again."

"Laughter is humanity's coping mechanism. I appreciate the effort."

"Freedom is an illusion. Everyone's trapped by mortality."

"I'm not evil. I'm just honest about the universe's basic principles."

"Nature is beautiful in its indifference to human suffering. I respect that."

"Health is just a temporary state before getting sick and dying."

"Technology advances, but everyone still dies. Progress is relative."

"Inspiration strikes when you realize you have limited time to actually do something."

"Motivation is reminding yourself that your struggles ultimately mean nothing."

"War is just humanity's way of helping me do my job faster."

"Literature is where humans pretend their stories matter. At least it's entertaining for me."

"Philosophy is humans thinking really hard about why life is terrible. I could've told them that."

"History repeats itself because humanity keeps making the same mistakes. I get to watch forever."