Family Quotes

"Family is everything, even when they drive you absolutely crazy."

"It's always been my feeling that God lends you your children until they're about eighteen years old."

"My father was a stockbroker. He's been dead for thirty-one years. He was Jewish."

"If it's not one thing, it's your mother."

"You have to understand that I live with my husband's parents."

"I'm thankful for my family."

"Family is where you can be completely yourself without judgment."

"Family is the only audience that has to laugh at your jokes."

"The most important ingredient in any recipe is love - and butter."

"I realized that the people who love you most are worth the madness."

"The greatest gift parents can give their children is unconditional love and a healthy fear of disappointing them."

"Family is not always blood, it's the people who want you in their life."

"Your family shapes who you are, but you decide who you become."

"My childhood was rough. My parents never played catch with me. They played catch with my allowance."

"My wife wanted a pet. I said, 'We already have one.' She said, 'You don't count.'"

"My wife is obsessed with cleaning. The other day she swept behind the refrigerator. I said, 'Nobody goes back there.' She said, 'Exactly.'"

"My wife told me I never help around the house. I said, 'That's not true. I open the door when you come home.' She said, 'That's called a reflex.'"

"My husband and I had a very loving relationship. We had our differences, but we never let them get in the way of our marriage."

"In my house, I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker."

"I never go anywhere without my husband. He has a problem; I'm a solution."

"What I love most about my house is who I share it with."

"I think the most important thing in life is the people you love."

"Family is an accident of birth, and we're stuck with them forever."

"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."

"I wanted my children to have all the things I didn't have, but I didn't want them to be like me."

"I would have made a terrible mother because I'm basically a very selfish human being."

"Mothers are all slightly insane, which is why they're so good at being mothers."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury"

"The key to a good life is to have the kind of wife you want to go home to"

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."