Humor Quotes

"The key to life is learning to laugh at yourself before someone else does."

"The devil made me do it, but I take full responsibility for my actions."

"The best jokes are the ones that make you think before you laugh."

"Humor is humanity's greatest survival tool."

"Don't be humble, you're not that great."

"The greatest instrument of civilization is the sense of humor."

"Laughter is the best medicine for the soul."

"Humor heals wounds that medicine cannot."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, and I love it."

"Humor is the armor against life's difficulties."

"The best comedy comes from real pain."

"The art of comedy is timing, and the art of life is knowing when to laugh at yourself."

"Sometimes the funniest things happen when you stop trying so hard to be funny."

"Laughter is the universal language of joy."

"From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash."

"I've been married four times, I'm an expert."

"You've got to laugh at yourself sometimes."

"Marry for love, but don't forget to marry money."

"Money isn't everything, but it sure beats whatever is in second place."

"Love 'em and leave 'em."

"We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can."

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else."

"Somebody is always getting me in. I don't know how."

"You know the income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. But both are known to be beneficial."

"I have always been afraid of banks. I put all my money under the mattress."

"There is no credit in being a comedian, when you have the whole government working for you. All the funny things they come out and do."

"The devil made me do it, but I had to think about it first"

"Humor is the spice that makes life bearable"

"I'm not a method actor. I'm just a guy who talks in a funny voice."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you're laughing at your own jokes—then you're just delusional."