Humor Quotes

"I think there's power in looking silly and not caring that you do."

"If you can laugh at yourself, nobody can ever hurt you."

"Your sense of humor is survival equipment."

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."

"Get a sense of humor. If you can laugh at yourself, you can laugh at anybody."

"I hate housework all the time."

"I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on."

"A man who laughs at himself will never cease to be amused."

"I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I also know that I'm not blonde."

"If you don't have a sense of humor, you're in trouble."

"No one looks good. I'm talking about everyone."

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

"My life has been one great big joke, a very serious joke."

"I can't meet with you, I'm not in your zip code."

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

"Everything is lawful if it is funny."

"I'm the only woman who can say she's had a long career and still look like this."

"You know what's great? If you can make a joke and the joke doesn't hurt anybody, you can laugh."

"I have been screwed more times than the Ritz Hotel."

"I never drink during the day. But I'll make an exception tonight."

"I went to the library and asked the librarian, 'Do you have any books about paranoia?' She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'"

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"I'm not a real movie star. Movie stars have people."

"Humor is almost a spiritual thing in my family."

"Booty and the beast."

"You know that thing in your chest that makes your heart beat? That's called the heart."

"I'm not myself, I'm someone else."

"When you're a little kid and you see the white lady, you don't think anything of it."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."

"I like to interact with people and make them laugh."