Humor Quotes

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."

"The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in what I might call the 'Headmistress' manner."

"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."

"Genius is the very thing God gives to us when He wants to punish us."

"I like a man who grins when he fights."

"Honesty is the best policy, but it is important to remember that apparently, by current standards, honesty is also a foreign policy."

"If we can boondoggle ourselves out of this depression, that word is going to be enshrined in the hearts of the American people for years to come."

"Everybody has to be someplace."

"Never allow a Fool to kiss you or a Kiss to fool you."

"A drinker was in front of me and he was in quite a state and I was in quite a state."

"Humor masks deeper truths."

"We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm."

"Eating words has never given me indigestion."

"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, pigs treat us as equals."

"Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary to do it."

"We were not allowed to attend movies, but we could watch them outside the cinema."

"In my country we go to jail first and then become President."

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm."

"The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy, and the lash."

"I am bored with it all."

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."

"In my life I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a nutritious diet."

"Humor is the spice of life"

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself—and sometimes taxes."

"I laugh because I must not cry, that is all, that is all."

"Humor is a form of truth-telling when seriousness would be censored."

"In my country we go to prison first and then become President."

"Laughter is the language of the soul."

"A host is like a general: it takes a mishap to reveal his genius."