Life Quotes

"I have no time for games or riddles. I'm a simple man with simple tastes."

"Give me all the bacon and eggs you have."

"I believe in small government and large whiskeys."

"The key to life is staying inside and watching TV."

"I'm living my best life by doing the bare minimum."

"Life gives you lots of chances to screw up your life."

"I realize that I've been so focused on finding love that I've forgotten about living."

"Life is what you make of it."

"Life is a beautiful and wonderful thing, and you have to appreciate every moment of it."

"Life is too short to spend it doing something you don't love."

"Life is a gift. Don't waste it on things that don't matter."

"Live like nobody's watching, but act like everybody is."

"Life is a zero-sum game. If you're not winning, you're losing."

"Life's too short to work with people you don't respect. Fire them instead."

"My biggest regret is that I haven't had more champagne."

"Life is too short to be boring."

"I've learned that you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself."

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or better yet, make a lemon cake."

"I've learned that people are more important than accomplishments."

"Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by a car anyway."

"I'm not sad, I'm just thinking about things too much."

"I want a baby but I don't want to be a mother."

"What am I doing with my life?"

"I'm getting too old for this."

"I'm going to live alone with my cats and my sandwich collection."

"I don't understand how people make decisions."

"I've become the person I swore I'd never become."

"Life is too short for regrets."

"I'm a simple man with simple tastes. I like lumber, darkness, and silence."

"Punch a tree and receive bark scraped knuckles."