April Ludgate

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it with complete confidence."

"Treat yo self."

"I'm not interested in caring about things."

"Everything is the worst."

"I want to make it clear that I'm not working hard because I want to help the town or whatever. I just want a paycheck."

"I would rather eat literally anything else."

"Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I imagine what their skeleton looks like."

"I don't understand anything that's happening."

"That's literally the worst thing I've ever heard."

"I'm like an elephant. I never forget."

"The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work and giving up your dreams."

"I think that if you respect people, you don't go around calling them by their nicknames."

"I don't trust anyone who hasn't been to Disneyland."

"I'm very smart and I can do anything I set my mind to."

"I have very strong opinions about things that don't matter."

"Why is this so hard?"

"I love being alone. I mean, I have no friends, which is not the same thing."

"You don't have to be pretty to be happy."

"I'm gonna stay as far away from nature as possible."

"Jerry is an idiot."

"I have zero interest in friendship."

"This is the best day ever and I want to shoot myself."

"I don't believe in anything that's fun."

"I have the worst taste in everything."

"I want to go back to bed and I never want to wake up."

"The worst thing that's ever happened happened."

"I don't understand human behavior."

"I'm dead inside."

"Relationships are a waste of time."

"I have perfect taste in music and books and movies and everything."