April Ludgate

"Love is a chemical reaction designed to fool you."

"Relationships are just an excuse to be disappointed."

"Hope is for people who haven't been let down yet."

"The key to life is staying inside and watching TV."

"I'm not going to apologize for being perfect."

"Nobody needs self-improvement because nobody improves."

"Knowledge is something other people need."

"I've mastered the art of doing nothing."

"My beauty routine involves not trying at all."

"I'm going to die alone and I'm okay with that."

"Motivation is overrated and exhausting."

"I'm not interested in inspiring anyone."

"Family is just people you have to tolerate."

"Peace is what I have when everyone leaves me alone."

"Nature is just trees and bugs and discomfort."

"Hard work is for people who didn't inherit money."

"My dreams involve doing absolutely nothing."

"Humor is my defense mechanism against existence."

"I refuse to find meaning in anything."

"Success is probably a lie that rich people invented."

"Freedom is the freedom to not go anywhere."

"I have zero interest in making the world better."

"My idea of courage is avoiding situations entirely."

"Change is the enemy of comfort."

"Education is why society has to deal with smart people."

"Time is a construct designed to ruin my life."

"The truth is that nothing matters."

"Kindness is inefficient."

"I'm too talented to be held back by responsibility."

"Patience is something I don't possess."