April Ludgate

"You ruin everything by being good."

"I'm slowly dying inside, which is fine."

"Stop making me have emotions."

"This is why I don't talk to people."

"You're the only thing that makes sense."

"I'm going to be alone forever and that's okay."

"Life is meaningless but at least I have you."

"I hate it here and everyone here."

"You're perfect and I hate it."

"I'm dead inside but my outside still works."

"Being alive is the worst thing that ever happened to me."

"You make me want to punch a wall, but in love."

"I have zero interest in personal growth."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I look expensive and that's what matters."

"Treat yo'self. That's the motto for success."

"I'm not interested in caring about things."

"Everything is the worst and I'm not going to pretend otherwise."

"I want to make things and do stuff."

"Why would you want to talk to anybody? People are the worst."

"I'm not the kind of girl who goes to the woods to find herself."

"When I die, I want my remains scattered in the Pawnee Commons."

"Breakfast foods can serve many purposes throughout the day."

"Ugh, I hate so many things about this place."

"My life is the worst, but at least I have good eyebrows."

"I just want to stay indoors and avoid human contact."

"If I had to describe myself, I'd say I'm a triple threat: beautiful, smart, and funny."

"I don't care about your stupid government job."

"Ann, you're a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox."

"I'm going to become immortal, so time is no issue for me."

"You're either in or you're out, and right now you're somewhere in the middle being useless."