April Ludgate

"I don't need anyone."

"Everyone is terrible, including me."

"I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it with complete confidence."

"Treat yo' self."

"I'm not interested in caring about things."

"Everything hurts and I'm dying."

"I want no part of your crazy life."

"You had me at 'free'."

"I am a human woman."

"Why would I care about what anyone thinks of me?"

"I'm moving to London."

"I love libraries. They're just beautiful, the way they smell, and all the books."

"Food is my favorite thing."

"I'm not great at the advice."

"Every single person on this planet is embarrassing sometimes."

"I have decided to kill myself before the year is out."

"Crying is just emotions coming out of your face."

"I just want to sit on my couch and watch TV and eat nachos."

"I'm not gonna change. I don't want to change."

"I'm going to deliberately ignore you."

"Entertainment 720 is a financial black hole."

"I like thrift stores because they smell like old souls."

"Don't make me get involved. I will take you down."

"I'm way too sober for this conversation."

"This is the happiest I've ever been."

"I have zero interest in your optimism."

"Everything is the worst."

"I can't believe how much better things are now."

"You can do whatever you want. You're rich."

"I'm not sleeping. I'm just resting my eyelids."