Carla Tortelli

"Love is just a four-letter word, but so is pain."

"I didn't get where I am by being nice to people."

"The best thing about getting older is that you stop caring what people think."

"Men are like coffee - they're much better when they're hot."

"I've buried more husbands than most cemeteries."

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach him to bark louder."

"Friendship is the only thing that lasts longer than most marriages."

"I've seen it all, done it all, and most of it I'd rather forget."

"The real power is knowing when to use your mouth and when to use your hands."

"You want my advice? Don't take my advice."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery more comfortable."

"I've had more relationships than some people have had jobs."

"The truth is, most people aren't worth lying to."

"Work is just something you do until you can retire and do nothing."

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever."

"I don't believe in luck, I believe in knowing the right people."

"Patience is a virtue I've never had time for."

"The best revenge is living well and making them jealous."

"Family is like a bad habit - you can't shake them."

"Hope is what gets you through the day when everything else falls apart."

"Courage isn't being fearless, it's being scared and doing it anyway."

"Change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to like it."

"Education is what separates the smart people from the ones who work for me."

"Knowledge is power, but wisdom is knowing when to keep your mouth shut."

"Time is the one thing you can't buy back, no matter how rich you are."

"The truth will set you free, but first it'll make you miserable."

"Peace is something you make with your enemies, not your friends."

"Nature doesn't care about your problems, so why should you?"

"Art is just expensive decoration, but I like expensive things."

"Science can explain everything except why men are so stupid."