Cartman

"Education is for people who can't figure things out on their own."

"The truth is whatever I say it is."

"Peace is boring."

"Fear is just weakness leaving the body."

"Power corrupts, but I was already perfect."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it."

"Health is important, unless it interferes with fun."

"Adventure is where you find it, usually at someone else's expense."

"Imagination is for people without cable."

"Technology will eventually make us all obsolete, except me."

"History is written by the winners, and I always win."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better PR team."

"Gratitude is admitting someone did something better than you."

"Justice is whatever benefits me."

"Kindness is a sign of weakness."

"Strength is knowing when to stab someone in the back."

"Art is subjective, which means mine is always right."

"Science proves that I'm right about everything."

"Music is just noise unless it's about me."

"Faith in yourself is important, especially when you're always right."

"Work is for people with no ambition."

"Dreams are nice, but getting rich is better."

"Beauty fades, but being awesome is forever."

"Politics is just business with better speeches."

"War is exciting as long as I'm not in it."

"Motivation comes from wanting things."

"Inspiration is overrated when you're already perfect."

"Relationships require compromise, which is disgusting."

"Solitude is my preferred state of existence."

"Life is a competition and I'm winning."