Cartman

"I'm going to succeed because I deserve it more than anyone."

"Everyone loves me, even if they don't know it yet."

"Educational institutions exist to teach people they're inferior to me."

"I'm the most interesting person who will ever live."

"Money can buy happiness, and I've bought all of it."

"Freedom is knowing you don't have to listen to anyone."

"I'm going to be remembered as a hero, despite everything."

"Life's too short to spend it with people I don't like—which is everyone."

"Eventually, everyone will realize I was right all along."

"I don't need luck because I make my own destiny."

"The greatest adventure is watching others fail."

"My imagination is the only thing better than reality."

"Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

"I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive."

"You're breaking my balls here!"

"Respect my authority!"

"Dude, you can't just go around doing whatever you want."

"I'm the only one in this town with any common sense."

"Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?"

"Everything I do is for the good of the group."

"Success is 90% luck and 10% hard work, but I'm naturally gifted."

"Love is just a word people use to justify their weaknesses."

"You gotta understand the way the world works, hippie."

"I'm not a materialist, but I do appreciate the finer things."

"The poor are just lazy."

"Friends are just people who haven't betrayed you yet."

"Death is something that happens to other people."

"I have the best ideas because I'm the smartest."

"Patience is a virtue for poor people."

"Nature is just a place where bears attack you."