Cartman

"Adults are idiots who think they know everything."

"I want to be a pimp, it's the only logical choice."

"You guys are such assholes, but you're MY assholes."

"The human body is made up of mostly water... and chocolate."

"I'm going to become an astronaut or a dinosaur."

"Timmy is retarded and I love him."

"I'm not racist, I'm just better than everyone else."

"Life is about winning and making other people lose."

"My mother is the greatest woman who ever lived."

"I invented dubstep, the internet, and the Jews."

"Shut your damn mouth, Butters!"

"I'm going to open a Cheesy Poofs factory."

"The key to happiness is having more stuff than everyone else."

"Poor people are funny."

"I'm a man of principle, even if those principles are evil."

"You will bow down to me, as is only natural."

"Technology is the future, and I invented it."

"Love is just a chemical reaction that makes you act stupid."

"I'm going to live forever because I'm just that awesome."

"You're all beneath me, literally and figuratively."

"The only good kind of war is one where I'm winning."

"I'm not greedy, I'm just appreciating what's rightfully mine."

"My life is like a movie, except I'm the only character."

"Patience is for people who are afraid to act."

"I'm going to be the best at everything, obviously."

"Music is just noise that poor people enjoy."

"Beauty is temporary, power is eternal."

"History will remember me as the greatest human ever."

"I don't have fear, I inspire it in others."

"Work is what poor people do."