Cartman

"Hope is what losers have instead of a plan."

"Courage is doing what you want regardless of consequences."

"Change is only acceptable if it benefits me."

"Family is important until they embarrass you."

"Happiness is subjective, but I'm objectively the happiest."

"You know what? Forget it."

"I'm not fat, I'm big-boned and well-fed."

"Dude, that's so lame."

"I would never do something like that... unless it was profitable."

"The ends justify the means when the means are awesome."

"I have a condition."

"Mom! Kitty's being a dildo."

"Respect my authoritah!"

"I have an idea! And it's a good one!"

"If you're not with me, you're against me."

"I'm calling the shots now."

"Everyone should just listen to me."

"This is my moment to shine."

"I'm destined for greatness."

"You'll regret betraying me."

"I don't have a problem, I have solutions."

"The weak deserve what they get."

"I'm not wrong, I'm just early."

"This is bullshit!"

"Mom, I need some money."

"That's disgusting."

"Whatever, I don't care anyway."

"I'm not a bad person, I'm just misunderstood."

"Join my cause or suffer the consequences."

"I make the rules here."