Chief Wiggum

"I'm the chief of police, not the chief of making sense."

"Now that's what I call police work... doing stuff and preventing crime."

"Ralph, you're the perkiest little guy I know."

"Let's kick some... well, you know."

"The truth is out there, and I'm gonna find it by eating donuts."

"You can't spell believe without... lie."

"I've learned that the best things in life are free. Except donuts."

"A true friend is someone who... reminds you to do stuff."

"Change is good, unless it's changing the donut recipe."

"Success is ninety percent showing up and ten percent... being chief."

"Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

"I hope to see you all again someday. In a non-criminal capacity."

"It takes courage to admit you're not as smart as everyone thinks."

"Wisdom is knowing when to shut up. I'm still learning."

"The key to happiness is low expectations."

"Money doesn't grow on trees, but donuts do... in stores."

"Health is important. That's why I run around the donut box."

"Adventure is out there! Or at least, it's in this box."

"I have the imagination of a child. Ralph's a child."

"Technology these days... I don't even know how to operate my phone."

"History is important. I remember when donuts were cheaper."

"Philosophy? That's the study of stuff, right?"

"Literature? That's books and stuff."

"Politics is like... well, it's complicated."

"War is bad. Donuts are good. Easy choice."

"Motivation comes from within. And from donuts."

"Inspiration struck me like a citation."

"Relationships are about trust, honesty, and... donuts."

"Sometimes a man needs solitude. And donuts. Alone."

"Perseverance means never giving up. Not even on donuts."