Creed Bratton

"If you want to understand me, don't try."

"I am a man of many mysteries. Mostly crimes."

"The world is stranger than fiction. I would know."

"The only time I set the bar low is for the world record in limbo."

"I've been alive for a long time, and I've learned that the best things in life are the ones that don't cost you anything."

"You don't need a lot of money to be happy. You just need to know where to find it."

"I've seen things that would make your head spin. Literally. I knew a guy."

"Life is short. Eat the good snacks first."

"The key to success is showing up every day and pretending you know what you're doing."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"Never trust a fart."

"The secret to happiness is low expectations and a high tolerance for weird smells."

"I've been in love three times. Or was it four? I lose count."

"Friendship is like a pair of socks. You lose one, and you're left with a drawer full of useless ones."

"Time flies when you're having fun. Time also flies when you're unconscious."

"The truth is whatever you can convince people to believe."

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, but you keep the regrets anyway."

"Peace comes from within. Also from outside sources. Mostly outside sources."

"Nature is beautiful. It's also full of things that can kill you."

"Art is subjective. So is my past."

"I don't understand science, but I respect it."

"Music is the universal language. I speak at least three dialects."

"Faith is believing in things you can't see. Like my retirement fund."

"A true leader knows when to take charge and when to let chaos reign."

"Work is what you do when you don't want to do something else."

"Dreams are just thoughts you have while you're sleeping and drooling."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Mine are going."

"Death is nature's way of telling you to stop working."

"Perseverance is doing something until you forget why you started."

"Gratitude is thanking people for things you would've taken anyway."