Dean Pelton

"Dreams are just reality with better lighting and wardrobe."

"Humor is my defense mechanism, and also my main personality trait."

"Beauty fades, but a well-maintained tan is eternal."

"Death is one suspension I can't reverse with an appeal."

"Perseverance is what gets you through a faculty meeting without screaming."

"Gratitude is important, especially when directed toward me."

"Creativity is just organized desperation with a mission statement."

"Justice at Greendale is whatever I decide it is that day."

"Patience is a virtue... that I'm working on."

"Kindness costs nothing, but respect costs everything."

"Strength isn't just physical - it's also mental and sartorial."

"Fear is just an emotion that hasn't been properly deaned yet."

"Power comes from knowing the right people and wearing the right blazer."

"Money is important, but so is looking like you have money."

"Health is wealth, but looking healthy is more important than being healthy."

"Adventure is just a scheduled field trip with better consequences."

"Imagination is wonderful, but proper documentation is better."

"Technology should serve people, not the other way around - I don't own a smartphone."

"History is written by Deans, which is why I'm very careful about mine."

"Philosophy is great, but have you considered following my philosophy?"

"Literature comes alive when you're the author of your own story."

"Politics at Greendale are complicated - I always win though."

"War is what happens when communication breaks down... and Jeff gets involved."

"Motivation comes from within, but I prefer a memo from upper administration."

"Inspiration is everywhere if you look hard enough in a mirror."

"Relationships require compromise - mostly from the other person."

"Solitude is fine, as long as people know I'm choosing it willingly."

"The study group will always come first, except when they don't come first."

"Being Dean means never having to say you're sorry - officially."

"I've made peace with my demons... they work in admissions now."