Dean Pelton

"Freedom isn't free—there are administrative costs."

"Inner peace is achieved through acceptance and my mediating hand."

"Nature is beautiful, but it's better when organized by department."

"Art imitates life; my life imitates a perfectly pressed suit."

"Science is just organized knowledge, like my file system."

"Music soothes the savage beast, but policy calms the savage college."

"Faith without works is dead, faith in me is promoted and gets benefits."

"Leaders are born, but they're perfected through administrative experience."

"Work is worship, especially when you're working for me."

"Dreams deferred can still become reality through persistence and my intervention."

"Humor is tragedy plus time, or my press releases with creative wording."

"Beauty fades, but a good reputation in administration is forever."

"Death is the final frontier, but retirement packages are negotiable."

"Perseverance is admirable, perseverance under my mentorship is unstoppable."

"Gratitude is the attitude, especially toward your administrative overlords."

"Creativity needs structure, much like I provide."

"Justice is blind, but she files reports with the Dean."

"Patience is a virtue I've perfected while waiting for faculty compliance."

"Kindness is contagious, please keep your distance if you're spreading it."

"Strength of character is important; strength of paperwork is essential."

"Fear is just a stepping stone to embracing my leadership style."

"Power is responsibility, and responsibility flows through my office."

"Money makes the world go round; I make Greendale go round."

"Health and wellness are priorities, as long as you have insurance."

"Adventure is out there, but remember to submit your travel forms."

"Imagination is the spark of innovation, properly documented and filed."

"Technology connects us all, through email, to my office."

"History remembers the ones who write it, like Deans."

"Philosophy asks why, but administration already has the answers."

"Literature teaches empathy, I teach policy and procedure."