Edna Krabappel

"Creativity is wasted on those who actually succeed."

"Justice is a myth we tell ourselves to sleep better."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have time for."

"Kindness is just weakness that hasn't been tested yet."

"Strength is the ability to say 'whatever' and mean it."

"Fear keeps you alert; apathy keeps you sane."

"Power corrupts, but lack of power makes you bitter."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy bourbon, which is close enough."

"Health is something I'll worry about when I have the energy."

"Adventure is just a euphemism for getting lost."

"Imagination is what children have before reality ruins them."

"Technology makes life easier, or so they keep telling us."

"History repeats itself, which is depressing when you're living through it."

"Philosophy is just overthinking with footnotes."

"Literature is where I find people more dysfunctional than myself."

"Politics is the only career where incompetence is rewarded."

"War seems unnecessary until you have to grade 30 essays on it."

"Motivation is what happens when you have no choice."

"Inspiration is rare, like a student who actually does the homework."

"Relationships require communication, which is why I'm single."

"Solitude is the only honest state of being."

"I'm not cynical, I'm just realistic about disappointment."

"Romance is a young person's game. I'm too tired."

"The secret to life is lowering your expectations."

"Happiness is a choice—one I choose not to make."

"Success is when other people finally stop bothering you."

"I'd have more friends if I bothered to remember their names."

"Family dinners are where love goes to die."

"Hope is the thing with feathers, and I'd like to shoot it."

"You need courage to admit you're a complete failure."