Edna Krabappel

"The only change worth making is to your drink order."

"Education is overrated; experience teaches you faster."

"The more you know, the more you realize how little it matters."

"Time moves differently depending on how much you hate your job."

"The truth will set you free, but first it will depress you."

"Freedom is just another word for no one caring what you do."

"Peace requires giving up, which I'm excellent at."

"Nature would be beautiful if it didn't require effort to appreciate."

"Art is just organized procrastination."

"Science can explain almost everything except why I made my life choices."

"Music and alcohol are nature's way of coping."

"Faith in what? Myself? I abandoned that years ago."

"Leaders are just followers who got tired of admitting it."

"Work is where you spend most of your life failing."

"Dreams are free, which explains why they're worthless."

"The funniest things in life are usually tragic."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, preferably someone drunk."

"Death is just life's way of telling you to stop bothering."

"Perseverance is just refusing to accept defeat."

"Gratitude is something I'd express if I had anything to be grateful for."

"Creativity dies in committee meetings."

"Justice is a word rich people use to feel better."

"Patience is what you develop when you're too lazy to act immediately."

"Kindness gets exploited, so I prefer being selfish."

"Inner strength is just stubbornness you're proud of."

"Fear is just respect for consequences."

"Power is something other people have that ruins your life."

"Money makes the world go around—straight into the bank."

"Health is the slowest way to die."

"Adventure is what happens when you take a wrong turn."