Edna Krabappel

"Art is a waste of time unless it involves nudity or scandal."

"Science class - where dreams go to die."

"Music is just noise that makes you cry into your drink."

"Faith is for people without enough common sense to know better."

"Leadership is overrated when you can just complain instead."

"Work is the price we pay for not being wealthy enough."

"Dreams are what keep you awake at 3 AM."

"Humor is my defense against the crushing weight of existence."

"Beauty fades, but bitterness is forever."

"Death is probably the only vacation I'll ever get."

"Perseverance just means failing longer."

"The only thing I'm grateful for is vodka."

"Creativity is a luxury for people with better jobs."

"Justice is a myth we tell children to keep them well-behaved."

"Patience is a virtue for people with nothing better to do."

"Kindness is weakness in a world that doesn't care."

"Strength is knowing when to pour another drink."

"Fear keeps you sharp - and awake at night."

"Power corrupts, but powerlessness is more depressing."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure helps you enjoy your misery."

"Health is a concept invented by the pharmaceutical industry."

"Adventure is just another word for trouble you seek out."

"Imagination is what you use when reality is too boring to contemplate."

"Technology just gives you more ways to disappoint people."

"History is a record of humanity's mistakes."

"Philosophy is wondering about things that don't matter anyway."

"Literature is an escape from the nightmare of existence."

"Politics: where lies go to die, slowly and painfully."

"War is just diplomacy with worse manners."

"Motivation is for people who haven't started drinking yet."