Edna Krabappel

"Imagination is wasted on people who actually accomplish things."

"Technology keeps changing so people like me stay obsolete."

"History is just a record of people making the same mistakes."

"Philosophy makes you question everything until you give up."

"Literature is filled with people more interesting than anyone I know."

"Politics proves that democracy is just mob rule with voting."

"War is awful, but at least it's honest about its intentions."

"Motivation is what you fake until payday."

"Inspiration strikes like lightning—rarely and usually deadly."

"Relationships are what test your patience most."

"Solitude is the only honest relationship."

"Do I look like I care? Because I don't."

"Life is a series of disappointments punctuated by the occasional martini."

"Love is just a chemical reaction designed to make you do stupid things."

"Marriage is like a deck of cards - you start with two hearts and a diamond, but by the end you're looking for a club and a spade."

"If I wanted to spend my evening with an intellectually superior being, I'd get a dog."

"Education is what's left after you've forgotten everything you learned in school."

"The key to happiness is low expectations."

"Success is just failure you haven't experienced yet."

"Friendship is a luxury I can't afford on a teacher's salary."

"Family - can't live with 'em, can't drink enough to forget 'em."

"Hope? That's just another word for delusion."

"Courage is what you need when you're too drunk to realize how stupid you're being."

"Change is inevitable, unfortunately."

"Knowledge without a drink is just painful awareness."

"Time is a merciless thing that steals your youth and leaves you with bills."

"The only truth in life is that we're all miserable."

"Freedom is just another word for no one caring what you do."

"Peace? I wouldn't know it if it hit me with a diploma."

"Nature is beautiful when viewed through a bar window."