George Burns

"I'm too old to do things I don't want to do."

"The only reason I'm still here is because of good timing and luck."

"You can't be perfect at everything, so pick what you want to be good at."

"People are funny. They're always ready to believe the worst about someone."

"A good friend is someone who will bail you out of jail, but a best friend is one who will be sitting next to you saying, 'We're going to have so much fun in here.'"

"The world is full of people who've never been satisfied with their lot in life."

"I've been blessed with good health, a long career, and the love of my fans."

"Life is too short to spend it being angry or unhappy."

"The one thing I've learned is that you can't take anything for granted."

"I would not know how to love a human being if I didn't know how to love myself, because I wouldn't know what I was loving."

"The secret of a good life is to have the right friends and enough money to enjoy them."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

"Life is like a B-movie. You don't want to miss it, but you don't want to watch it twice."

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

"The most important thing in life is good health and a sense of humor."

"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than succeed at something I hate."

"You know you're getting old when the candles on your birthday cake cost more than the cake itself."

"I smoke cigars. On weekends I smoke fish."

"The key to success is to find something you love and do it for the rest of your life."

"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not to a point where you regret it."

"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."

"At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

"Life is just a short ride before the next big adventure."

"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."

"The most important thing in life is a good cigar and a beautiful woman."

"Sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

"The real secret to success is just showing up and doing the work every day."