Gracie Allen

"Charm is the greatest power in the world, but it's not enough by itself."

"Women speak two languages: men and silence."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're not."

"I wanted to be a doctor once, but I realized all the blood and guts would ruin my nails."

"The real art of conversation is not in speaking but in listening."

"My cooking is so bad, my family prays before they eat my food."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"I told my husband the truth. He didn't believe me, but I told him."

"Never underestimate the power of a woman who knows what she wants."

"A man is only as faithful as his options."

"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, honorable, and to be compassionate."

"I'm not a writer, but I like to think I can tell a good story when I'm not thinking."

"There's nothing like a good book to help you understand the world you're living in."

"If you want to test a relationship, go on a trip together."

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

"Love is like quicksand: the more you struggle, the deeper you sink."

"A woman's intuition is her greatest asset if she listens to it."

"I tried to give my husband a hint by being subtle, but he's not that smart."

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"

"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time."

"People who say they sleep like a baby have never had one."

"I asked my husband if he wanted to go out for dinner. He said no, he wanted to go out for food."

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

"The secret of happiness is low expectations."

"Never trust a man who says he's been in love only once."

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend."

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."

"My philosophy is that it's none of my business what people say of me and think of me."

"I need my friends more than I need a man."